all for Love and Love for all

this blog post is for someone i have not talked to in a really long time.
someone i have no intention of talking to again.
i have had so much to say to them for so long.
i used to feel a NEED to say it.
but over the summer i learned that saying the words to someone who is not ready to hear them does more harm than good and the words i felt so desperate to say, they always showed in my actions. this person should know these feelings of mine. but in the off chance that he does ever see this. in case he never knew. or if he is finally in a place to hear the words that i need to say, here they are.


i forgive you.
i never hated you.
and while i can not say that i was ever IN love with you, i never stopped loving you.
you hurt me so badly.
you tore me to shreds then picked up the pieces only to tear them up more.
you terrorized me for reasons i do not think i will ever understand.
people will never understand this, but you know me, so you should.
i did see all the bad things you did.
i was not dumb.
i did put all the pieces together.
but i saw how wonderful you were as well.
i saw how nice you could be and how much love you had in your heart
while no one would give you a chance and look past the jerkish front you put up,
i saw who you really were on the inside.
i saw who you WANTED to be.
and after seeing that i could never hate you.
i hate the things you did.
those things will stay with me forever.
they effect my life day to day
they effect every relationship i have had since i met you.
but i still forgive you.
i do not have any anger towards you anymore.
and while what happened between us still stays on my mind, it does not control my life.
God does that part.
and what i always wanted you to know
what i always wanted to tell you,
in case you never heard.
God loves you
He loves you so much
He loves you with love that cannot be changed.
no matter what you have done, God still loves you
i do not know where you are in life right now.
hopefully in a better place than last time i saw you.
but if not
it is not too late.
you can be who you want to be
you can be that guy that was fighting to break free
i really believe that.
i have prayed for you every single day since i last saw you
every single day
sometimes several times a day
and i forgive you for everything
be the best you that you can be
Peace and Love,
sarah