Thursday, September 8, 2011

Listen to What i am Not Saying

So, the title of this is a line from the Mask Talk i mentioned in a previous post. 
Its a line that had drifted out of my head until my friend Connor posted it on my facebook actually.
Since last night something has been bothering me and i just think this title fits with what was on my heart.
Also, i would like to say that i am going to talk about really personal stuff that not even all of my family know about yet. I don't think many people read this, but if you are reading it, please be respectful of me and the topic. and if you are in my family and reading this, please understand that i love and trust you all, its some stuff just doesn't come up at thanksgiving dinner and such. my parents do know! so, no disrespect intended and i am sorry.

To the actual blog now...

I have had this understanding for a long time that every person has their own story that other people may or may not know. The people i pass by on my way to class have stories, my professors have stories, my pastor has a story, you reading this: you have a story.

Some people's story is known by many. Whisperer about behind their backs or they are just open about it. Others have stories that only close friends know, if that, and of course God knows all of our stories.
But we aren't God
we don't know peoples lives from start to finish and even if we could watch every minute of their lives like a movie, we would never know how someone else feels. they feel what only they can feel. Whatever the worst thing they have been through is the WORST thing they have been through and it can't be compared to someone else's "worst thing" because they are different people with different experiences. 
Just like we don't know their stories, they don't know ours.

Which brings us to the foot-in-mouth phenomena that has been closely effecting my life recently.

While having a discussion that included myself and another girl from my school about different views on statutory rape. The conversation became fairly heated and she blurted out, "well obviously you have never been raped." I can point out several reasons why one should never say something like that to a stranger, but i will give her this, the conversation did become somewhat a debate and she in fact did not know anything about my story. Including the fact that a guy i once knew actually did force himself on me when i was in high school. 

many people have probably heard me say something to the effect of "practice what you preach, but only if you are preaching love"

i can tell you, love is not what i was feeling for this girl. what i was feeling was, gee i would love to brake her nose right about now. but the good news is, is that i did not brake her nose! i just left the situation, went back to my room and later vented to my friends which always seems to help.

So here we are, me and this girl and she says this to me. She does not know anything about my story so it is hard to really hate her guts for it. If she had known that i had gone through that and said something similar, that would be different. 
But that isn't the case.
She knew her point of view on the topic and did not agree with mine. The best conclusion i can some up with is that she wanted a reason to dismiss my opinion so that she did not have to push herself outside of her box and comfort zone.

Like i said, i don't hate the girl and i am sure she feels like crap-ola now, but what she said hurt. I don't know why it hurt, but it hurt badly. And no one can un-say words that were not thought out. It is what it is. 

I really have no idea how to rectify the situation, so if anyone has any ideas, i am up to hearing them. I can say that my anger has greatly decreased and i do not want to injure this girl in any way. i do realize that the comment was not intended to be malicious. But you can not unshot a bullet that has exited the barrel of the gun. 

So this was a round about way of saying this...
The lesson i learned (or re-learned) last night was that every word needs to be thought out in advance before it is spoke. Opinions should be heard out even when they are not agreed with. And each person should look at each person they talk to as an unknown story. Because somewhere inside every person, even the strongest, is a a pressure point that can make them drop to their knees.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Mean Girls

So, I have always known that there are "mean girls" out there
Those ones that are nice to your face and mean behind your back
The ones that make jokes about you that are half humorous and half extremely hurtful
The ones that talk about people they hardly know.

definitely used to be one of those girls.  
i am sure i have times that i still am one of those girls
its a hard habit to break, especially if you never know you're doing it
i don't think many people do these things with the intention of hurting someone, but the truth is, it hurts everyone
i never saw how much it happens right in front of my face til this school year

my friends do it, other peoples friends do it, people do it in line waiting for food.
i am trying really hard to not be 

i have heard a lot of stuff this school year that just makes me think, "what if that person heard you saying this about them?" and "Would you be saying it if they were sitting right next to you?"

going into my relationship with my fiance i agreed with him that i would never do anything while he is NOT around that i would not do if he WAS around.
its been a very good thing for us because it leaves no grey areas.
its either okay or its not, end of story.
i have no idea why it has taken me a year and a half to realize that i can apply the same thought to all of my relationships!
wouldn't the world be a more comfortable place if we could do that?

but i don't think its enough for me to just not participate in these Mean Girl behaviors.
i don't want to support it by listening to other people do it either.

so this is my new rule for myself...
if i would not say it to their face, i won't say it behind their back
if i would not want them to hear it, i don't want to hear it.

this is going to be a lot easier said than done
so what i need from anyone that reads this is accountability
call me out when you think i am being a Mean Girl
...i won't lie being called out puts anyone on edge and i am sure i will be defensive, but know that i won't hate ya for it. 
i'll come around to remember that i need to practice what i preach 
especially since what i always preach is LOVE