Sunday, August 28, 2011


Love is one of the biggest four letter words i have ever heard. 
It is a word that can change a life forever by being heard or by NOT being heard.
And to hear it does not mean you feel it. 

There is the love of family: 
That love that is there no matter what even though there is no other real reason than they are biologically related to you. I know, I know. Its sounds weird to say it like that, but really... that is the only reason for your initial love for that person. Love past that is much more, but that is how it starts.

Then there is love of friends:
These are the people you chose to keep in your life. The people that you depend on and depend on you. For some people their friends are their only family. Friends love each other through everything. You forgive them when they hurt you and they do the same. When you fall they are there to help you back up. I think this kind of love is so special because these are not people that were forced to like you. And when i have a true friendship i love how real it can get. You learn where boundaries are and you poke fun at each other. You sometimes argue and disagree. But at the end of the day when you need a hug, your friends are the ones that are there to hug you. I would not say i have a ton of friends. I definitely have less real friends than i do facebook friends and even less friends that i have shared my life story with. But that is what makes them so special. They are special because they know you and see you in a different way than everyone else does. 

Next is Romantic Love:
I never believed in this love when i was younger. Love was for fairy tales, but not for real life. Not for lack of examples because my parents are still together and my uncles and aunts that i am mostly around in my family are all still with the person they married. Maybe it was not that i did not believe in love. Maybe it was more of me not believing in love for myself. I never believed that anyone could love me in that way. I always felt like i had so much love in my heart, but no one to give it to. I knew how i viewed this love; this sacred, beautiful, lasting, true, forever, wonderful, blissful, you-make-me-the-best-kind-of-crazy LOVE. I have been in some crazy relationships including one relationship of Three and a Half Years. He would say things like, "Oh when we are will  be like this" or "When we have kids and live will be so good". It put me on edge a lot because i never saw those things in our future. I never really saw myself staying with him forever and being this happy family with kids. I knew our relationship too well to know that, that could never be US. i at least knew it couldnt be me. Our relationship went from bad to worse and we finally broke it off.

I fell for the next guy i dated so quickly. Who wouldnt love a gentleman? It only lasted three months and while i never understood why he broke up with me i am so thankful he did. We are so much of different people now. He will always be my best friend, but i couldnt look at him as anything else than a best friend again. No more and no less. 

Then there is Patrick... :)
I was finally in a place in my life where i was totally okay with being single and love was not a hunt for me anymore and this kid walks into my life. I loved him before i dated him. As cheesy as it sounds i knew he was special the week after i met him when i ran into him at Sam's West at Texas Tech and he hugged me. I got tingles on every inch of me and could feel all my organs in my tummy swirling. Thus, love happened. Unexpectedly; unannounced; unstoppable. He treats me like a fairytale princess in every way. And i am happy to say that we are ENGAGED!! he is the only man i have ever been able to look at and picture a future with. Picture having kids with. Picture living with. He stole my feelings of being unlovable and discarded them from sight.i love him like crazy.

Lastly, but for sure not least, Agape Love:
This is Godly love. Unconditional, unbreakable and complete love. Its the way God loves us and the way He wishes we would love each other. 
The love willing to give His son
The love willing to pursue me even when i dont acknowledge Him
The love willing forgive and forget sins no matter how big or small
The love willing heal brokenness and pain
The love willing to see the perfect you instead of the flawed you
The love that would sit with you on the curb and midnight while you release your feelings
The love that meets you where you are instead of where you should be
The love that adores you
The love that is inescapable 
The love that is for all. No matter color, gender, sexuality, height, capabilities, shortcomings, achievements, failures, mistakes or wrongdoings.
The love that knows all tongues and all hearts.
The love you can not hide from.
The love that loves you even when you dont know how to love yourself. 

That is some powerful love. 

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