It wasn't meant to be easy

loving your neighbor is always easier if your neighbor does "love-worthy" things...

but the path that God puts us on challenges our faith and strength. 

He never said it was easy.

He said it was right.

It takes more than love for a relationship to work

So i have been doing many more blogs recently than i had before. not sure what that means, but hey, i like writing what i feel and looking back on it later. it also gets me to focus on the things i really like about life and helps me to appreciate them. so here is another post!


My fiance and i have had quite a crazy relationship. and by crazy, i do not mean like the other guys i have dated who have broke up with me because i am not "pretty enough", because i won't put put or try to scare the crap out of me. the crazy i feel with patrick is totally opposite of all those things. our relationship is crazy because of how much we want to see each other laugh, how he never raises his voice at me, how we both listen to the other so we can really understand how they feel. but most of all it is crazy how much this kid trusts me. utterly insane. if anyone had ever told me a person could trust the way he trusts me and the way i trust him i would say that person is full of tomfoolery and have nothing of it. 


but seriously. one of my favorite things about patrick and my relationship with him is that early on we told each other what we could and could not expect from each other and how we wanted to handle those things. 
patrick has stayed so true to every word he told me that day and i find it remarkable. 


my biggest concern was one of my best friends (who really, at the time i hardly talked to..but the physical talking isn't what is important, it is the real feelings behind the friendship,eh?). my best friend happens to be a male. and we happen to have a very intensely strong friendship. he has helped me through the roughest times in my life, he has showed me God love for me before i even believed in God and he remains a constant support in my life.


i was terrified that any guy i dated would disapprove of how strongly i hold onto that friendship. but patrick has never even attempted to modify my friendship with james at all. he understands that it is healthy to have more than one "go-to" person, especially with patrick living so far away. and even though james and i get to hang out nearly every day and patrick is in lubbock, patrick still trusts me not to hurt or betray him. he never questions my faithfulness or integrity. beyond that he has expressed how happy he is that i have james in my life to be there for me and be my friend. that is crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy.


patrick and i loved each other from very early on in our relationship (though it took me a great deal of time accepting that lol), but just love on its own is not what got us to this point. Love is what opened the door to patients, kindness, understanding and trust. but undoubtedly you can love someone and lack all of the latter. 


i have said it before and i will say many times to come, God has opened up my heart through the people i love and the people that love me. patrick and james both being a couple of those people. i am so blessed to have a best friend that looks out for me to the extent that james does and i am so blessed to have my fiance who allows that friendship to blossom without question. that is crazy love. 

It takes more than love for a relationship to work

So i have been doing many more blogs recently than i had before. not sure what that means, but hey, i like writing what i feel and looking back on it later. it also gets me to focus on the things i really like about life and helps me to appreciate them. so here is another post!


My fiance and i have had quite a crazy relationship. and by crazy, i do not mean like the other guys i have dated who have broke up with me because i am not "pretty enough", because i won't put put or try to scare the crap out of me. the crazy i feel with patrick is totally opposite of all those things. our relationship is crazy because of how much we want to see each other laugh, how he never raises his voice at me, how we both listen to the other so we can really understand how they feel. but most of all it is crazy how much this kid trusts me. utterly insane. if anyone had ever told me a person could trust the way he trusts me and the way i trust him i would say that person is full of tomfoolery and have nothing of it. 


but seriously. one of my favorite things about patrick and my relationship with him is that early on we told each other what we could and could not expect from each other and how we wanted to handle those things. 
patrick has stayed so true to every word he told me that day and i find it remarkable. 


my biggest concern was my best friend (who really, at the time i hardly talked to..but the physical talking isn't what is important, it is the real feelings behind the friendship,eh?). my best friend happens to be a male. and we happen to have a very intensely strong friendship. he has helped me through the roughest times in my life, he has showed me God love for me before i even believed in God and he remains a constant support in my life.


i was terrified that any guy i dated would disapprove of how strongly i hold onto that friendship. but patrick has never even attempted to modify my friendship with james at all. he understands that it is healthy to have more than one "go-to" person, especially with patrick living so far away. and even though james and i get to hang out nearly every day and patrick is in lubbock, patrick still trusts me not to hurt or betray him. he never questions my faithfulness or integrity. beyond that he has expressed how happy he is that i have james in my life to be there for me and be my friend. that is crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy.


patrick and i loved each other from very early on in our relationship (though it took me a great deal of time accepting that lol), but just love on its own is not what got us to this point. Love is what opened the door to patients, kindness, understanding and trust. but undoubtedly you can love someone and lack all of the latter. 


i have said it before and i will say many times to come, God has opened up my heart through the people i love and the people that love me. patrick and james both being a couple of those people. i am so blessed to have a best friend that looks out for me to the extent that james does and i am so blessed to have my fiance who allows that friendship to blossom without question. that is crazy love. 

Take It Easy

So there is this adorable quality that i poses. losing everything i touch. i can never find my keys, my shoes, my hair ties and God forbid i do not text myself the aisle number i parked in at wal-mart. normally this freaks me out a bit and stresses me out a a lot, but i decided for the most recent time i forgot something to let it be a fun and God filled experience. after all, i do tend to be critical of how little some people have in relation to how much other people have. and what better way to appreciate what you DO have then to lose your purse for a few days?


i am fairly typical when it comes to the things in my purse. there is my license, bank cards, credit card, cash and cute pictures of my and my future hubby. this time (which is not the norm for me) i had my social security card in there as well so i could get it to seguin for when i apply to jobs and such. my keys were with me though. as my parents and i headed out to seguin from houston we stopped at a mcdonald's for breakfast where i left my purse. i didnt know this until hours later when my sister called me saying there was a note on my parents door saying i had left something at said mcdonal's that had my name and address in it and who to contact to get it back. YAY for good samaritans! 


usually my initial instinct would be sheer panic, especially knowing that my social security card was being trusted in a stranger's hands, however, i have been working extremely hard to control my anxiety lately and did not want to let this be a set back. i knew if she was going to steal anything, she already would have and probably would have never returned any of it at all. so i took a few deep breaths and called my mom who had already left seguin to head back to houston. she too was very calm, which helped my nerves a lot. (i think i feed off of other people's feelings a lot, so yay for mom being cool and collected!) 


we started a set up of who to meet up with and when and where so she could get my purse back for me. enter best friend james. james goes to school with me as well, but was still in houston at the time. he lives a bit of a ways away from me, but was still willing to grab my purse for me whenever my mom did finally get it.


there was a lot of miss communications and such, but finally (and day and a half later) my mom got my purse back and james picked it up. 


meanwhile my friends here in seguin were fantastic. thank God for the kindness of strangers and friends :) i did my best not to ask for any more than i really needed and my friends have been fantastic making sure i dont starve to death or anything too crazy. i never realized how hard it can be to ask for food. food for me has been (at worst) a credit card away. normally i could have three meals a day on campus with my dining card. so it was new for me for sure. but i really really raelly did not want to ask for any more than i really really needed. 


james gets back here with my purse tonight and i am taking my friends out to dinner, but til then i still want to let this be a good thing. not a bad thing.


i wtill have a bed to sleep in, friends for company (and i am sure food), a shower to wash in and a heater to keep me comfortable. any time my stomach has growled or rumbled through this experience though, i have taken the time to say a quick prayer for all the times that God has provided food to me and my family and all that He has done in my life. and i definitely thank Him for this situation. for being without for a while. i know by tonight i have all my money back and things go on just as they were before. but i hope that i can hold onto the many lessons behind this short adventure: you can be without and survive; ask for help; trust in others because they are not always going to do the easy things to hurt you; thank God for what you have; be thankful for the hearts my friends and family have; live. and to just be okay. 


my happiest part of this is that even though coordinating the efforts to get my purse back was difficult i did not let it get me down or stress me out. no panic attacks happened and i am doing just fine with the support of everyone who has been involved :)


so thanks to Davie and mcdonald's for getting my purse to my mom, my mom for being so patient and getting my purse back for me, james for driving all the way to my house to pick up my purse, Liz for lunch and diner yesterday, lauren for endless fun and patrick for keeping my spirits up to and really appreciating the experience i was hoping to get out of this. life has been too good to me. God has been too good to me. and it is too easy to forget that, at least for me it is. 


"And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" Luke 11:9 King James Version

Words of Wisdom

Alright, alright so Jenna Marbles is incredibly vulgar and she uses the B word way too much. the moral of the story is pretty awesome though :)

Cant We All Just Get Along <--- Jenna Marbles

Bye See You Later!

So the people on my mom's side of the family always "Bye, see you later" instead of goodbye. This is a tradition that i believe came from one of my uncles as a kid and i really like it, especially now that i am in a long distance relationship. 


Christmas break is wrapping up. My fiance just left today and i am not exactly sure when i will get to see him again. For sure in March for spring break, but i am hoping at least once before then as well. When i decided to transfer out of the college we both went to i did not see it working out with us. He was committed to trying so we gave it a whirl. 


i think i have been in love with him much longer than i let myself believe it. the distance is what got me to really believe it though. every time we have to part it never fails, i cry like a big baby. usually it starts a couple days before he even has to go. i love all of my friends and family and all. i am even super tight with my two besties at school. but i have never cried at just the thought of being separated from someone for even just a short while.


my poor fiance, bless his heart. holds me non-stop the days that he leaves. today we sat on the couch with my head on his chest and his arm so perfectly around me. i feel so safe in his arms, which is a feat within itself for me. he kept asking what i wanted to do, but i couldnt think of a single thing that was worth leaving his arms to do. so i just said "i want to do this". so we just sat there in each others company, much like the end of most of our visits go.


i thought saying goodbye, or 'bye see you later' would get easier with time. as it turns out, it only gets harder. i am so excited that this is the last semester of this though! he will graduate in may and live with me and life can settle down a little for us. no more 9 hour drives or months without hugs. i will get him every night. i never believed that there was a person i could feel this way about. someone who could take all the things i like about myself and enhance them. to take the happiness that already existed in my life and elevate it. that is true love. 


home is where the heart is and soon my home will finally be here with me. God has blessed both of us in so many ways and i am too excited for the adventures ahead of us.