Sunday, February 5, 2012

Emotionally Wrecked? Or Emotionally Blessed?

I, for one, am a very emotional person. i would like to believe i am also fairly logical in most cases as well, but i am for sure an emotional being. 

For years in my life i have hated crying. i would hate crying in front of people. i hated crying alone in my room. the only really place i was comfortable crying was in a burning hot shower. 
crying seems to make emotions even stronger. 
i am not one of those girls that looks ridiculously cute when they cry either. 
i am gross.
my nose runs like it is in a marathon and my face gets as red as a strawberry.
i am just a gross, nasty crier. 
and what bothered me the most about crying was that it made me feel so weak. 
i have never liked to look at myself as a weak person, but when tears flood down your face and breathing gets hard it becomes difficult to see yourself as strong.
i am an emotional wreck. 
i will cry at nearly anything that gets me too happy or too sad or even too angry. 

but here is what i think is more true.

tears do not have to symbolize weakness or emotional fragility. maybe it can mean more.
maybe it can mean that you FEEL something. you have not blocked the world out of your life and shut down any chance of getting hurt. 
maybe you gave someone a chance, or two or fifteen. and maybe they need a sixteenth and maybe you will cry again. but maybe those tears just keep you connected to humanity.
they are not always a sign of this huge weakness.
tears mean you care.
tears mean that something matters to you.
that you opened up your heart to be vulnerable and someone hurt you, but you were strong enough to let them into your life and not shut them down.

the tears will dry.
you will get stronger.
and then you face the choice.
do you prevent the future tears?
do you protect yourself at the cost of isolating your heart from feeling anything?
do you build walls and burn bridges?
or do you forgive and continue to love and try?

no, tears do not mean you are weak.
tears mean you are strong.
you are a strong person that continued to let people into your life. 
you are a strong person who refused to harden their heart.

tears can make the outside so ugly.
but tears make peoples' souls shine.

i know what i feel and i FEEL a lot.
maybe i am a wreck. but i am a blessed wreck. 

and today is not the day that i am going to stop crying. 
i hope that day never comes. 
tears are beautiful.
they are real.

Luke 17:3-4 ESV Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, (4) and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

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